Warning: Superfluous Blog Post Ahead!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
Watch out!  The Writer’s Road isn’t smooth.

Warning: Just ahead is another writer-whining-about-writing blog post.  Hang a hard right to avoid this road hazard if you aren’t interested!

Ok, I’m having trouble producing ACTUAL helpful content for this blog, and I’m sorry for that, but I feel I am really getting a grasp on what is needed for revisions and self-editing.  I am, ALSO, really grasping that there are SOOOOO many writers in the world, producing a shit-ton of work, and almost none of them are making any money.  Some are even losing money.

And it’s not that I’m writing for the money and fame and money and groupies and money.  I’m writing because I have to write.  But writing is not the same as publishing, or trying to get published.  You publish to make money, get your voice out in the world, and put good stories in front of people. And if you don’t have enough money for your needs, writing for a little extra money becomes a very important reason to publish.

It’s the artist’s eternal dilemma.  Do you try to make money from your art, the thing you actually feel good producing, until it sucks you dry, OR try to work some soul-sucking job that pays (and creates) the bills.

I feel I’m getting close to producing the absolute best manuscript I CAN produce, and it will be up to an editor/agent/publisher to take it any further, unless I do decide to join the ranks of the self-published. But, keeping a watchful eye on publishing and marketing and readers has really opened my eyes to how very superfluous my work is.  Completely unnecessary.  Won’t likely be noticed or acknowledged.

Part of that reason for my self-doubt is that the tone is erotica, and it has been made VERY CLEAR to me what other writers think of erotica. I can’t ignore that I have written romance in a visceral style, and I like writing that way, so I have to label it erotica or risk misleading potential readers.  BUT, now, I get to cringe when other writers go on a rant about erotica, and how it’s the downfall of the written word, and erotica writers are stealing more than their fair share of the market, and surely they are tricking all those readers into reading such filth, and, and, and…  I mean, I quickly learned to not bring up erotica in face-to-face discussions, because the usual expression of disgust, even if it’s a micro-emotion, is such a kick in the head.

I want to tell you, and myself, that the writing is important.  The story is important. Getting your voice, your work, out in the world is important.  People need your story, and my story, but, lately, I’m just not so sure…

I think the problem is that I may not have enough of an ego to publish. You don’t have to be a raving egomaniac to publish–plenty of authors can pass for normal folk–but you do have to have that absolute certainty that you wrote a Very Important Story the RIGHT WAY. Better than any one else could have! And it’s rather fitting that after so many years of hard work, THAT will be the thing that stops me.

I’ve sat on this post for week, and written and re-written some version of it many, many, MANY times over the past seven months.  That’s why I haven’t been posting very often.  I guess coming to realize the sheer depth of my own mediocrity is a little too eye-opening for this poor, fragile, sensitive artist.

But something made me write out this whole mess of insecurities and doubts, AGAIN, and show it to you.  Because anything less would be inauthentic to the writing process, which I have promised to show in this blog, unfiltered, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel.  Even when it feels self-indulgent and whiney.  (And, this post feels really, REALLY self-indulgent.)

Strangely enough, a firm conviction to be as authentic as possible may be the most important habit I’ve developed in the weird grab-bag of writer’s skills that I’ve picked up.

But, can resolute authenticity pass for ego?  I guess we’ll find out…

 

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Warning: Superfluous Blog Post Ahead!

  1. You’re not mediocre. You write what you love, and that’s you and it’s beautiful. This world is full of people with opinions. It’s completely natural to listen to them and let those opinions worm their way into your psyche. If there’s a way to filter them out, I haven’t found it yet. Just keep crashing into that wall of self-doubt, emerge bloody and victorious. And I agree, authenticity is definitely the way to go. That way at the end of it all, you know it’s you who made it to the finish line, rather than losing yourself somewhere along the way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the timely reminders! I just need to trust that the people who will like it will find it. It’s just that publishing is an ocean, and each author is a single rain drop. It’s overwhelming if you think about it, so I’ll keep my head down and write. Thank you, AGAIN! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My pleasure! It is an ocean and incredibly daunting. Definitely keep writing, celebrate the small victories, that line you wrote where you’re like, “damn that’s good,” every mag publication or passing acknowledgement. Keep on keeping on.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand that erotica books are very popular on Amazon, which means they are fulfilling a desire or need for a lot of people. Therefore, erotica is valuable. Second, plenty of people produce books whose sole goal is to bring someone a few hours of entertainment, not to change their world. It’s not wrong if you want to aim to do that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What surprised me, once I dove in and did some research, is that erotica is just as varied as any other genre. There is plenty of fast/entertainment books, but also deep, think pieces about sexuality and relationships. I’m hoping for a bit of both. Thank you for the reminder! I have great friends!
      It always surprises me when people have fits about romance, sexuality, gender, or other issues about modern culture slipping into their favorite genre, when all you have to do is look around at the massive tectonic shifts of awareness in our current society to understand why.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s